


The Clown The Assassin and The Thief

by IttyxBittyxImp



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: A bit of a crossover with the good the bad and the ugly but not so much, Bath Sex, Budding Love, But hisoka ain't having none of that, Illumi is kind of an asshole to prostitutes, M/M, Prostitution, Treasure Hunting, alternate universe - cowboys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 03:02:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8127859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IttyxBittyxImp/pseuds/IttyxBittyxImp
Summary: Word got around about a man by the name of Jonathan Carter deserting his military post and having stashed a cache of Confederate gold worth over six million dollars, mercenaries from all over were hired to kill Carter and retrieve it. While the common folk weren't told about it, or heard of it, those who kept their ear to the ground knew exactly who to ask, and where to search.Or the adultrio in the old west braving against the elements and going on adventures





	

**Author's Note:**

> This did not want to be written, but I did it anyway hahaa fuck ;u; I hope you enjoy it!

Word got around about a man by the name of Jonathan Carter deserting his military post and having stashed a cache of Confederate gold worth over six million dollars, mercenaries from all over were hired to kill Carter and retrieve it. While the common folk weren't told about it, or heard of it, those who kept their ear to the ground knew exactly who to ask, and where to search.

Jonathan Carter however was much harder to find than previously thought. Traveling all the way out from the East Illumi heard the man had fled from Houston and came all the way out to the small town of Santa Ana, he found his way there with difficultly not being familiar with the land, and avoiding the native population of Indians not sure if they were hostile.

Tying his horse down at the town saloon and inn he figured he could ask a local for directions, or a lead. Walking in his eyes adjusted to the sudden darkness of the bar, men who stopped playing cards looked up to him, one in particular with piercing eyes the same shade as the amber dug from the countless mines the mountains seemed to have. Not paying much attention to the people Illumi sat at the bar ordering a bourbon to wind down from days wandering the desert. 

While most of the men stayed with their cards the one who kept his eyes on Illumi came up to the bar, his spurs the only give away to his presence, "You must be a newcomer to these parts." Hisoka ordered a whiskey from the woman behind the bar and sat by Illumi, "Did you come all the way out here for a new life from the East? Or for something less regulated and fun?" Hisoka chanced a hand over Illumi's, but the other pulled away.

Turning to the invading stranger Illumi got a look of his face, sharp handsome features, hair red as the iron dust of the mountains and a grin that would put a politician to shame, "Unless you got something interesting about a man who came through here, by the name of Jonathan Carter I don't want anything to do with you." 

"I just might know them, a of lot men come to me after all." Illumi raised an eyebrow, and Hisoka pointed to another older woman winning against someone at darts, "Pay for an hour and I might give you more than just information on your man." Hisoka nipped at his ear and moved to go upstairs without another word. When was the last time he allowed himself the touch of another? Either way the whore seemed just as out of place as he did, maybe he knew something about Carter.

Going over to the woman he pointed to the stairs, "How much for the red head?" She threw a dart easily hitting it's mark with the disappointed moan from the man she was playing against.

"Fifteen dollars." Pretty pricey for an hour... 

"For him? How can I be sure he's clean to pay that much for him?" Illumi wouldn't even pay that much for information... 

"Honey, he makes it worth it." Another dart throw and Illumi gave a small sneer as he pulled out the money and placed it in her hand, "Have fun, second door on the left." She said and effortlessly threw another dart into the board. 

Trudging up the stairs Illumi wasn't happy he had to fork over so much just for a chance at knowing where the man had ran off to, honestly Carter felt more like a squirrelly rat than a man at this point, and Illumi wouldn't stop until his contract was fulfilled. Walking up to the door belonging to the red head he opened it to see Hisoka soaking leisurely in a bath tub his smile still glued on his face, amber eyes found his, "Apologies, I thought it would take longer for you to decide on the fee." Looking Illumi up and down, "Would you like to join me? It looks like you haven't bathed in weeks." 

Illumi's nose scrunched up at the insult, but the water did seem warm and comforting with how steam rolled off the bubbles covering Hisoka. Unbuttoning his jacket he looked around the room ignoring the intense gaze Hisoka was giving him, wanted posters caught his eye all of them being high mark targets, "You like collecting mugshots?" 

"Bounty hunting was fun, but it lost it's luster when criminals stopped catching my eye." The way Hisoka said that gave the suspicion that he enjoyed hunting the person down rather than the prospect of money, "Though, a mercenary could also be interesting." 

Illumi turned back to him, "Is that a threat?" 

"Of course not, though, with a mercenary hunting down the man responsible for the disappearance of six million dollars, I might want to see what you'll do when you find him." Thinking about it a guide who knew these parts and a skilled hand -in more ways than one- would be a valuable asset.

"How much would you want to join me?" That grin only got wider and Hisoka leaned forward curiously.

"Let's see... How much are you getting paid to find Carter?" 

Purposely Illumi said half of the amount he was getting paid, "Five thousand dollars." 

"You must be very good or very dumb, I hope it's the former, but what about the gold? Think it's real, or he has it?" Hisoka came to the edge of the tub his pale chest poking up out of the bubbles.

"I have no idea, I'm only getting paid to find the man and bring him in." Illumi unbuttoned his shirt hanging it on the coat rack not trusting the bed in the room.

Hisoka's shoulders slumped into the water, "But how boring, if there is six million dollars in gold imagine how rich we could be, I have ways of making a man talk." 

"I'm sure you do." Hisoka gave a small laugh, and held a hand out.

"Let's make a deal; if the gold turns out to be real I want half for helping you find it." Illumi doubted it was but it wouldn't hurt to try, besides Hisoka was a decent hunter to keep posters of outlaws worth around the half amount he gave him, "But let's just say my fee for helping to catch Carter is two thousand." 

Illumi shook the hand offered to him, "Fine, but you do what I tell you." 

"This is a partnership, not a servitude." Hisoka corrected him, Illumi cursed in his mind, it seemed Hisoka caught on that Illumi needed him just as much as Hisoka wanted the money, "Now you did pay for an hour and you're pretty good looking than most who come through here..." 

"What makes you think I'm interested in fucking you?" Hisoka had undid his pants for him and pulled him into the tub with him.

Hisoka laughed again, "Darling, everyone is interested in fucking me." Pretty confident for a small town prostitute, oh well, Hisoka was rather attractive and Illumi wanted his money's worth, "By the way," Illumi was pulled between Hisoka's legs easily, "I have a separate fee if you want to fuck me on the trail, but for you I'll give a discount." A hand found it's way to Illumi's cock and pumped him into full hardness before Hisoka guided him to his ass.

Pushing inside Illumi noticed the other wasn't guiding him in dry, "You were ready for me?" Hisoka felt tight, but Illumi could tell the other was stretched before he came up to this room.

"Another customer had come in before you, but don't worry I only accept those who don't got any sickness." Arms wrapped around him as Hisoka pulled him down for a kiss, moving his hips underneath the water to take Illumi in deeper, "Do you plan on me doing all the work?" 

"I did pay fifteen dollars I expect my money's worth." Hisoka grinned as he pushed Illumi back against the side of the tub straddling his hips, having more of his body revealed from this new position from under the bubbles. Illumi wiped away the suds to take in Hisoka's seemingly flawless skin.

"Like what you see?" Hisoka rolled his hips letting out a small moan as he could feel Illumi rub against his prostate, "Because I do." 

"Just shut up and ride me." Illumi thrusted up sharply making the man above him gasp and hold onto his shoulders for support.

"Yes, sir~" Starting up a rhythm the water in tub sloshed around them masking Illumi's heavy breathing, but not the noises Hisoka would make everything he brushed against that sweet spot in the red head. In truth Hisoka liked being a bounty hunter, but being a prostitute paid to do something he enjoyed, as well as free baths, a bed and roof over his head was very appealing. Though, with the younger looking man beneath him he was sure he found something to keep him entertained for awhile. It wasn't long until Illumi finished, pulling out and coming into the water around them, it had been a long time since he'd been with someone else, and his release relaxed his body into the warm water and body above him. With the price he had to pay he didn't care about Hisoka finishing, moving to get out of the tub he was held in place with surprising strength, "I'm not done yet." 

"I didn't recall caring if you finished or not." The damn hooker bit into his shoulder roughly, stroking Illumi's cock until it was hard again pressing down on him and keeping his weight on Illumi holding him down until he gave a moan into the crook of his neck marking his release, Hisoka didn't stop though, Illumi kept his hands on his hips making him go down faster om him close to another orgasm before he came inside not caring if Hisoka protested or not. 

"You should learn how to please your lovers better." Hisoka gave a gentle kiss to his bruising bite mark and got out of the tub to get dressed, "I hope you know your way around a gun better than the way you treat your employees." Pulling out carrying bags that would fit on the back of a horse, he started packing his things, "Go ahead and finish your bath, I trust you got everything you need." 

Illumi sighed, Hisoka seemed more trouble than he was worth, but he did feel much more relaxed in the expensive soapy water. No information on Carter, but a tracker was much more valuable.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments fuel me and are the best motivator


End file.
